Chicken Soup for the Soul – Christmas. 2007
Skinny Santa
I heard a rumor recently – no doubt it evolved as only rumors do, increasing and changing in the passing – and I feel compelled to do my part in its progression, so I’m passing it along to you.
Someone, somewhere has started a petition to put Santa Claus on a diet.
Can you believe it? His image has faltered. He is no longer deemed a good role model for the youth of today. He is overweight. His unselfish generosity has been overshadowed by his own mass.
If the facts were known, it would come to light that the very people signing the petition are the ones to blame for his current predicament. What parent has not prompted starry-eyed children to race to the kitchen before bed on Christmas Eve and produce a delightful treat for the year’s most anticipated visitor? We are the ones who left the cookies and the milk where he was obligated to acknowledge our hospitality by leaving only crumbs and a water ring on the coffee table.
What is the world coming to? The fact that Jolly Old Saint Nick is now considered weight-challenged will shed an entirely new light on the whole Christmas season. The Night Before Christmas will never be the same:
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
But now he’s taboo, in spite of himself
The happy old man in the bright red suit has become a bad influence. Not only does he not eat right, but he obviously doesn’t get enough exercise. To make matters worse, he is portrayed as smoking a pipe!
If we’re going to town on the old boy, I’d like to call attention to the fact that he’s dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot. What self-respecting person, elf or not, would make a fashion statement like that? This should be added to the petition. As well, it is probably inhumane to keep reindeer up all night pulling a heavy, gift-laden sleigh.
Santa needs a new image. He has to get with the program, say the makers of petitions, the guardians of what is right and good.
There is a little child somewhere inside me quivering right now. Wide-eyed, it’s watching as the powers-that-be muck with the magic of my favorite time of year. Santa has never been the true meaning of Christmas. He is merely a tool in its delivery. He is the spirit of giving – of secret giving. The faith of children in something they can’t fathom. The thanks they give to something unseen.
Sure, Santa could stand to lose a few pounds – so could I. but somehow the vision of a trim St. Nick in red bicycle shorts just doesn’t cut it.
Comments (1)
Lovely! And as usual, the last line is a zinger.