Promises kept

I had occasion recently to swear on a bible. I held the worn black leather book in my right hand and promised to tell the truth. To say I swore to tell the truth would be a stretch, but I do take a promise seriously.  

I’m not sure who actually bears witness to promises such as this, who holds people to account when they make their pledge.  We make that promise to a power greater than ourselves and in that promise there is a commitment to that power that we will hold up our end of the bargain. It’s serious business.

I made a similar promise over forty years ago when I got married – I promised to stay faithful to my husband in sickness and in health for as long as we both loved.  We’d modified our wedding vows changing ‘live’ to ‘love’ to accommodate an escape route should we ever need one – we never did.

As tough as our marriage ever got – in the thick of a fight, at the end of our ropes – we always had love.  Sure, there were days when we didn’t like each other very much, when we couldn’t agree, but that promise was always at the root of us… “as long as we both shall love”.  And we both loved.  And we stuck it out.

I don’t feel ready to put my marriage to bed, to relegate it to the past, but that’s where it lives. Forty years is a lifetime – the lifetime of our marriage. It didn’t disappear with his passing but doesn’t live anymore either.  And I still love.

‘As long as we both shall love”.  Maybe the key word in our vow wasn’t ‘love’ – maybe it was  ‘both’.  I am going to love him forever- but I am only half of the equation.  I kept my promise – so did he.  We made a commitment to that power greater than ourselves and we were true to our word – we held up our side of the bargain.  I’m just not sure what comes next.