Last year at this time I was rattling around a family home that didn’t hold a family anymore – just me and two dogs wondering if we should even bother with Christmas. I was lonely beyond words, sad in a fashion unbecoming and lost – in short, I was a mess. A lot has happened in the year between then and now.
Christmas is but a breath away again – it followed the Christmas lights, concerts and decorations right to my front door. It arrived on the heels of carols and gingerbread, of mall Santas and shopping bags. The season is upon us and despite all those clues it still snuck up on me.
The big day is so close stores have begun marking down holiday decor. Shelves of beautiful poinsettias are desperately hoping they will be plucked from a sea of seasonal red before they are carted off to compost with soggy pumpkins. It seems the holiday is being put to bed even before the Christmas spirit or the man in the red suit has made an appearance at my house.
I’ve been trying really hard to put the merry back into my Christmas this year but pulling happy out of my hat is still difficult from time to time. Christmas stirs up a lot of memories, a lot of emotion – it’s the big one as far as holidays go, ignoring it is impossible.
I’m not certain I’ve found my Christmas spirit yet but between this year and last I’ve found where my brave has been hiding. I’m using that brave to face the world again, spending it like an unexpected inheritance. I have discovered the more I do things the more things I can do. Christmas may be emotional but it isn’t scary anymore – I’m as ready as I’ll ever be. Bring it on.