When writing becomes an addiction

My daughter asked me the other day if I was still checking my Facebook page a thousand times a day every time I put up a blog post. I squirmed a little. Perhaps secretly checking Facebook is like sneaky drinking – you think you’re getting away with something but everyone can tell. “Not a thousand,” I replied. (more like a hundred or so).

Writing is one thing — putting it out there is something else.

Writing is the adventure – it’s exhilarating. Ideas flow in, stories fall out. It’s fun, it’s creative and it feels terrific. Similar, in fact, to drinking – it starts slowly but as I get more into the story the world begins to fall away. Finally, I’m so immersed I can’t think about anything else. (Sort of like that third glass of wine when you find yourself thinking about the fourth before you’ve finished the one in your hand). It can also be dangerous to fall into a story while you’re driving – suddenly you’re pulling into the driveway with no recollection of the journey that lead you home.

I forgot how much I loved smithing words. I love the ah-ha moment of the last sentence – sometimes the essay takes me to a place I hadn’t realized I was writing to. This sends me back to the beginning of the piece and re-writing begins. It’s almost as much fun as the first draft. It is all consuming when the story is appearing – it’s addicting.

I learned years ago that you can edit forever – rearranging words can become obsessive and doesn’t necessarily improve the piece. It just delays the moment you set it free.

I can still remember the day I drummed up the courage to submit my first essay ro a publication and actually saw it in print.  Our local newspaper picked up a piece I had written about shopping for school supplies. I framed that tear sheet and hung it on the wall above my computer until it yellowed. It was like a report card with a line of Straight A’s (I never had such a report card – this made the tear sheet all the more special to me). Thus began my obsession with sending my words out into the world.

Back in the day I would write a piece, print it and send it out in an envelope. It would take weeks before I knew if anyone liked it. Email changed the process a bit, I could be rejected or accepted within days. I would wait impatiently to see the words in print, imagining scenarios where people loved the piece so much it ended up displayed on refrigerators as far away as Australia. My tear sheet would arrive in the mail at about the same time the publication had run its course and chances were pretty good people were lining bird cages with my carefully crafted words.

This blog is different again. I write a piece until I love it and then hit the ‘publish’ button.   I hold my breath until the first thumbs-up appears. It’s nerve racking and I need to quit this compulsion to refresh my Facebook page every seven minutes on the day I post. I need to learn to set my words free without worrying what other people think. I need to gift those words to the world without a caveat. I need to stop sneaking peeks. Lord help me if someone ever flips me a virtual bird! That could be the moment this addiction is finally tackled and I pour myself a glass of wine.