Tripping on the past

I’m a great at dishing out advice – someone else’s problems are so much easier to solve than my own.  I tell people to be brave, share their truth, talk about things – you know, all the usual stuff – text book advice.  I believe if something is worth having it’s worth sticking your neck out to get – ‘your’ neck, not mine. I rarely take my own advice, I’m basically a lot of talk.  

I have to be really backed into a corner, really done of feeling mad, bad or sad, before I stick my neck out.  I wait until I’ve truly run out of rope.  I wait until I’ve worked up enough steam or gumption or courage to actually address the problem.  I wait until I don’t have a choice anymore, I have to deal with it or just let go.

There are times when letting go is the best option – just walking away – some things are better left unsaid, some people are better left behind.  But other times the person I’m having the problem with is too valuable, too much a part of my life to just walk away from.  Sometimes I have to be brave, share my truth and talk about things.  

It’s never easy to bare your soul – you risk a resolution you may not want. But here’s the thing, if you’re feeling mad, bad or sad chances are the other person is too – chances are they are trying to decide what to do as well.  Somebody has to make a move and at least explain why the relationship is failing. 

I had the opportunity to do just that this week. I’ve been stewing, cautiously avoiding a confrontation.  I’ve been keeping things light and civil with a person who knows me better than that.  The universe presented an opportunity to clear the air and I took it – we took it. We talked things out, laid our cards on the table and determined the new shape of our relationship. 

I wish I had taken my own advice a long time ago, before the squirrels of hurt and frustration had had their way with me.  I feel better today for having released the squirrels.  Not better in the sense that everything is A-okay and things can get back to normal now, but better for realizing our normal wasn’t working, it had been broken for a long time. Reality can be harsh but a harsh reality beats hell out of a charade any day.  Perhaps moving forward will be easier now that we’re not tripping on the past.