Writing has taken a back seat in my life recently – I’ve been giving creativity a wide berth and busying myself with less personal things. I’ve bumped into my muse from time to time over the past few weeks, I’ve had a few close calls where the urge to write almost tripped me, but so far I’ve out maneuvered it. I must confess I’ve been treating that muse rather badly, I’ve been rude and distant, thankfully she hasn’t given up on me – yet. Like a devoted friend she keeps showing up and tossing ideas at me like one might toss seed to a flock of hungry birds.
I have to remind myself I invited my muse to the party of my life – I pulled her out of retirement. So many years had passed since she’d been to the party I hardly recognized her when she arrived – she was dusty and reluctant to show her face in the light of a day she had no part in creating. But she came when beckoned – she showed up. And now I’m trying to give her the slip.
I’ve gone through spells like this before, days or weeks (sometimes years) when I felt like the muse and I had fallen out to such an extent we had nothing to say to each other anymore. I was always surprised by how much I’d missed her once we began to talk again, surprised by how much we had to discuss. Mostly I was surprised she never held a grudge.
I’m hard on my muse, I’ve made her put into words what most people are reluctant to feel. I’ve forced her to dive into dark places to look for answers – sometimes only more questions came to light. Sometimes we figured things out together, other times we didn’t but she hung around regardless and was always game to take another dive.
My muse has walked with me through the darkest days of my life. She held my hand while I navigated a road to a place I didn’t want to go – to a place nobody wants to go. She never left my side as I looked for a path back into my life. She never hurried me, never got tired of hearing the same stories again and again, never told be to shush when I cried. She never faltered. I have no business ignoring her now that my path looks a little brighter – she deserves these better days too.
I think it’s time to invite my muse to the party again. There is a little voice in my head telling me I should honor her, or at least appreciate her – I definitely shouldn’t take her for granted. I’ve been blessed with a friend who wants to show up, all I have to do is call.