I was typing tonight as I often do in the quiet of the evening, concentrating on words, when I unwittingly took a little trip. I don’t know how long I was gone, diving deeper and deeper into my thoughts but it must have been awhile considering the depth of my confusion when I looked up. For a moment I had no idea where I was.
I’d been time traveling. I’d left the here and now and travelled backwards to a place I hadn’t been in quite a while – I’d gone home. I was so comfortable in my thoughts, so focused on the words that I didn’t have to think about where I was. I knew the room, the view from the living room window – I felt the warmth from familiar walls. I was just being. I was just writing.
My mind had wandered back to ‘the before’… before the sickness, before the death, before the heartache. I’d visited a place where I felt whole and calm and unsuspecting. Unfortunately because I was in ‘the before’ I didn’t know enough to appreciate the break I was having from ‘the now’. I was in that space where I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else, I was in that place I took for granted.
All that calm and comfort disappeared the instant I looked up – I was catapulted to ‘the now’. I was surprised with the view outside the window, confused by the placement of furniture, but only for an instant. My life came back into focus quickly, the years fell into place and the heartache came home.
It’s only in retrospect that the break from ‘the now’ can be appreciated – we have no clue what is coming our way while we’re in ‘the before’. My little time traveling adventure has given me pause and in that pause I’ve decided to take a moment to appreciate ‘the before’ I’m living right now.