A long time ago – October 21,1978 to be exact – two young people began a journey together that would stand the test of time. Today they are celebrating a 39 year old marriage – an accomplishment that has inspired a few thoughts on the journey.
39 years in and sometimes I feel like I’m still getting the lay of the land. Marriage is its own thing – more than an institution, it is a living, breathing organism. It is a weird beast with two hearts, two brains and four feet. Sometimes it’s the elephant in the room and other times it’s the wind beneath your wings. It’s always an adventure.
A new marriage is exciting- it is welcomed to the world with a party steeped in tradition. Expectations are high, promises heartfelt. The band seems to play at all hours of the day and the dancing is seductive. Young marriages are sexy, filled with nuance and passion. These are the adventure years – the years where the two hearts learn to beat in unison and the two brains compromise. The four feet practice complicated moves and learn to dance together.
The teenaged marriage is a bit of a hot spot. Chances are pretty good that some of that early dancing has produced additional little feet to contend with. The marriage may suffer a bit of an identity crisis as it learns to navigate with extra baggage. The marriage is now considered a family and may mourn its previous identity for a while. It may wake up in the middle of the night and search for something now lost in the confusion of day to day. The teenaged marriage can be a bit of a challenge.
As with most teenagers, the marriage may rebel a little bit. The original two hearts and brains sometimes fall out of sync while trying to deal with the extra little feet. The dance becomes ever more complicated. The family becomes a box in which the marriage must work to keep its identity.
But the little feet do grow and begin to take steps away from the collective dance. The brains that came with the little feet begin to think outside the box and get minds of their own. Over time the box becomes spacious and the original two hearts start beating at a less frantic pace, the two brains emerge out of the fog of family life.
The marriage has now been seasoned – once the flavor and essence of the seasonings have permeated the original form it can never be unseasoned. It is changed forever. With luck the seasonings have enhanced the original flavor- made it richer, deeper.
It is here, 39 years in, that I find myself in a well seasoned marriage. The little feet that joined our party during those early years have moved along. The marriage is alone in the box again.
Our hearts are a little worn, our brains bursting with memories. Although our dance is slower, the steps are well practiced – we know most of them by heart. 39 years in I can say our promises have been kept and our expectations met, yet I feel our adventures are still beginning. We are heading into a senior marriage now, where everything will be new again. Two people, a little older, still on a journey together.
Comments (1)
Wow, what a ride!
Congratulations!