I’m six months into this widowhood and I’m surprised to find it still feels brand new. I don’t feel like I have progressed much beyond the start line but I’m coming to terms. Mine is not the saddest story but it is ‘my’ sad story. Grief is not a competition – there is no prize for being the most heartbroken – we can’t compare the depths, the relevance or scope of it. We can only feel our own grief and sympathize with others who may be grieving as well. That said, grief is a process – it’s been studied, written about and analyzed – and the process appears to be predictable.
If there’s one thing I hate to be it’s predictable. I don’t like to be textbook, but it appears that as far as grieving goes I am. I have reached a place in this process where I am looking for information and direction. That search lead me to discover that I am on a well worn path, I am working through the stages of grieving in a normal, predictable and acceptable way. And where I hate to be part of the status quo there is relief in being just that.
I googled the stages of grief and found a very helpful website recover-from-grief.com. Their list of the seven stages of grief read like a map of my life right now. I float in and out of the first four stages of grief almost daily: shock, guilt, anger, reflection/loneliness — I spend a lot of time in stage four, loneliness often gets the better of me.
As the initial shock of this adventure wears off and we continue to work through the paperwork and deal with the logistics of my life, reality is starting to settle on my days. Stage five, the upward turn, is looming on the horizon. I need to get real and make some decisions. Stage five will open the door to stage six, reconstruction. And from there stage seven and acceptance. Acceptance feels a long way off today, but it’s out there somewhere.
This loss, my loss, has changed my life forever. There is much to do to determine how I go forward from here but forward I must go – I don’t have a choice. Onward, to the next tomorrow.
( the stages of grieving copied from recover-from-grief.com )