Life Lessons

Just when I thought I was getting a handle on this Mom thing I looked up and found all our kids had grown up and moved out. I finally have some answers and nobody’s got any questions. I have all this wisdom to impart and no one to impart it upon.

I’m willing to bet that every mother would like to save her children from heartbreak, disappointment and mistakes. We would like to offer advice, share knowledge, nudge them in the ‘right’ direction. We would like to teach them the lessons our own lives have taught us.  I know I would. I’d like to tell them about the small stuff that should not be sweated – because it turns out, in retrospect, that a lot of the stuff we sweat is small. And I’d like to tell them not to be afraid to speak up about the stuff that isn’t small. I’d like to think I would stop short of telling them what to do.

I think the old saying goes; too old, too soon – too smart, too late. By the time we actually appreciate the lessons our life has been teaching us, we are usually too old to really apply them. ‘If I knew then, what I know now….’ . So the urge to pass this knowledge along to those who could benefit from it is great. It was perhaps good timing that the kids moved out before all this knowledge made itself known – well, good timing for them – I’m just about exploding with words of wisdom.

I’ve come to the conclusion that life lessons are only valuable to the person living the life – they must be experienced before their worth can be measured. My life lessons have been learned and earned – I’ve been lessoned to the brim. I’d love to share my knowledge, love to gift it to willing recipients, but the truth is my intended audience is busy learning their own lessons. My lessons are old news – learned in a time that has been relegated to history, the olden days. A lot of the lessons are not even relevant any more.

I’m trying hard not to turn into the old lady who always has a better idea, a better solution – one who has the evidence to back her claims and isn’t afraid to use it. Those old ladies used to drive me crazy – the ones who offered advice when none was solicited. You know, the tisking old girls in the checkout line at the grocery store when one of the kids decided to melt down – the knowing look they’d give me when a nap time was overdue. I don’t want to be that old bird.

Once in a while, when the kids were small, an older woman would compliment me on my well behaved children – I would float on that compliment for days. That’s the old girl I want to be. I want to dish out confidence, not advice. I want to acknowledge a job well done without bestowing outdated knowledge.

I am thrilled when one of my kids ask me for advice – they probably have no idea how good that makes me feel. To have wisdom solicited is one of the best compliments I can get – it makes the lessons of my life relevant. Dishing out advice willy-nilly just makes it annoying.

I’m still learning how to navigate in this third act of my life. I think we remain students throughout our lives. I’m a relative new senior, still in the early stages of old-lady-hood. There are lots of new things yet to learn. And with the realization of this, perhaps another life lesson has just hit the mark.