I have learned grief is not a round trip – you don’t get to go through it and come back to the person you used to be. Nor is it a straight shot through the dark – it has curves and dead ends, hills and valleys. It isn’t a quick trip – it’s a journey; an uncomfortable, scary, awful journey. This isn’t a trip you can prepare for, pack for or plan – grief sets the pace, chooses the route and the agenda. You are mostly just along for the ride, sitting in the passenger seat with a birds eye view and no control.
I have learned the journey actually never ends, grief just gets easier to carry as you get used to its weight. It’s like fitness draped in black – we get stronger, grief doesn’t get lighter. We learn ways of coping, we recognize the surprise attack. The hole in our heart never gets smaller but within it grows a sense of peace. We discover the hole is exactly the same shape and size of that which we are grieving and there is a strange comfort in that. ‘Ah, it’s you,’ you think when the hole begins to ache, ‘I remember.’ And for a moment that which we are missing is with us again – we see the face, hear the voice and feel the touch of yesterday.
Comments (4)
I send you hugs, condolences and positive thoughts. But none of those will help, I know. I, too, lost my husband. We had been married for 64 years. He’s been gone two years now, and I still miss him, every day, in so many ways. I try to keep active – I think it’s a form of running away – keeping yourself busy so you can’t think about the past. And I try to be positive in my outlook. I hope it will work – someday. And I hope you will find some way to help ease the pain. I wish I had a magic formula that would make things better. Something to share.
But for now, commiseration and hugs are all I can offer.
Thank you for those hugs and positive thoughts. I send the same back to you. One day at a time, one foot in front of the other…
Beautifully expressed, and exactly what I’m experiencing too.
I wish you well on your journey; you are not alone.
And I wish you well too. Thank you for commenting.