Hitting the wall

I’ve become lethargic, maybe even lazy. A hamster in captivity has more gumption than I do these days – between napping inside its cardboard toilet paper tube and munching kibbles the hamster spends at least part of its day running on a squeaky wheel.  Aside from the squeaky wheel thing that hamster and I have a lot in common.  

I’ve been napping like a pro, my habitat is definitely as comfortable as a toilet paper tube.  I have no set meal time, I munch whenever the spirit moves. I answer to no one, my days are my own.  I’m about as sociable as a hamster stirred from sleep and I can make conversation as well as that hamster might.  I’ve grown used to captivity and this could pose a problem – I’ve hit the wall.

I’m past being tired of my own company, self isolation is making me sleepy and dull.  I don’t even talk to myself anymore, the dogs are sick of my stories and my goldfish is hard of hearing – it’s just as well, I have nothing new to say.  I spend most of my day in monastic silence.

It will be an interesting day when we all step back into the world.  I’m fairly certain some people are bursting with words – they will explode once the pressure is off.  With luck they will make up for the folks like me – the ones who let their words go into hibernation- we will become the wide-eyed listeners.

I always thought hitting a wall was a physical thing, runners do it all the time, literally run out of steam and hit the wall.  What I’ve done is run out of steam for lethargy, I’ve hit a wall of fatigue and I’m tired of being tired.  The thing is I know what to do about this – I’ve got to get off my ass and put some effort into the day.  I need to walk with purpose when I’m out with my dogs, I need to jump on a squeaky wheel and just go for it.