I received an invitation from the universe while walking the dog the other day. Written in chalk on the sidewalk, directly in my path, was a message. “Hello Happy”. I checked over my shoulder wondering if it was meant for some other walker, but I was the only person on the street. For a moment I felt like I had opened someone else’s mail – the sidewalk couldn’t be talking to me, I haven’t been happy in a long time. I looked at the graffiti again, smiled and took its picture.
I thought about the message as I walked and the sun dappled the sidewalk through the trees. The day was off to a beautiful start; birds were chirping, a gentle breeze was blowing and there was a whispered greeting in the air. “Hello Happy”. And I felt the impossible possibility that it might be me who was happy.
Happy doesn’t always have to be a big deal, it can be a fleeting moment. Happy can be one second when you forget, when memory fails for an instant and a smile blossoms unexpectedly. Happy can be a sneakster, a quiet stalker.
I’ve been dating grief for months – we’ve been going steady. We have become set in our ways and we’ve started to take each other for granted. I wake up in the morning and check to make sure grief is still right beside me. It never disappoints, it’s devoted to me like a bad habit. It’s possessive, it seems to want all of me; all day, all night. Grief and I have become an unlikely couple – until recently happy has been my go-to emotion.
I’m weary of being sad, weary of grief, and I can’t seem to let go of its hand. Sure, I’ve got a good reason to be sad but I’m probably not being fair to the person I used to be by totally ditching happy.
Would I be being unfaithful if I stepped away from grief for a minute or two? What if I could write about something other than the pain in my heart and still not lose sight of the pain. What if I just had a coffee break with happy. It could be that grief is growing weary of me too – maybe we could use a break once in a while.
What if happy has been following me around waiting for me to notice that it was still there. What if the message on the sidewalk was really for me.
“Hello Happy”. Well played.
Comments (2)
I love your heart! ♡
Someone once told me, after I suffered the biggest loss of my life, that however I feel, it’s okay. It’s okay to feel happy, even if it’s momentary, it’s okay to delight in shopping for a new shirt or enjoying a movie…the grief will always be with you, but it doesn’t haven’t to consume every moment of your day. I’m sorry for your loss and all it means to you and your family. Wishing you courage and strength to walk this journey.