It was a dismal morning – grey, wet and cold. I pulled on my rain gear and headed out feeling as dark as the day. I locked the door and stepped into the storm hoping to do a little positive self-talk and walk away my mood. I’m anxious about my real estate situation, my place has become a huge worry. I know my problems are monetary and any problem that can be fixed with money isn’t insurmountable – but the clock is ticking.
I must have taken a wrong turn – instead of finding the calm I was in search of I found something else. I began to dwell on all the problems money couldn’t fix and found myself at a familiar crossroad. I’d self talked myself to a place I’ve worked hard to put in the rear view mirror. I was in the thick grief before I knew it and in danger of getting stuck there if I didn’t snap out of it.
I know better than to let myself fall down a rabbit hole full of negative thoughts but I jumped in like a starving fox. I took a poke at all my sad stories and fed my mood.
Rain. The sound of waves meeting the shore. The high pitched call of a bald eagle. The rear view of my dog padding along the promenade unbothered by the weather or my worries.
It was Chester who helped me do the u-turn – he is a natural optimist always on the lookout for possibilities. Admittedly the possibilities Chester is on the lookout for are markedly different than ones I seek but we are both searching for something that will change our fortune. Chester is patient in his quest and his patience generally pays off. I, on the other hand, am as impatient as hell.
I should point out at this point in my personal pep talk the clouds did not part nor did the angels sing but I did feel a shift in my perspective.
My impatience is the birthplace of stress right now. I have no control over any of the things that need to fall into place to smooth the way into my next chapter. This makes me a little crazy but I’m not actually at a loss for what to do. I’m not working without a net. I have a plan B. I have support and I still have a bit of time for plan A to come together.
My walk was working the magic I’d hoped for. As we turned for home it occurred to me that Chester was leading in more ways than one – I could be optimistic and patient if I tried, all I needed to do was follow the leader.