Facebook gave me one of its nudges this morning and sent me back to two years ago today, back to a blog post I’d written in the months before my world fell apart. I clicked through the link and re-read my own words – in them I found the message I needed to hear today.
I was reminded that I’ve always been on a quest – a mission. I’ve always been a work in progress. I needed the reminder, it made me realize that grief isn’t what inspired my inward journey of late, I’ve always been walking in that direction. My quest has always been one that lead into myself.
This nudge has given me pause. Why did Facebook think this particular memory was an important reminder for today? It’s as if I wrote those words two years ago as a letter to my future self. Now I’m wondering if all the posts I’ve written about my journey through grief are but letters to the future me.
Who knows who I will be two years hence. Will I need Facebook to send a reminder to look backwards in time? Will I re-read the grief riddled posts written of the past year and a half and appreciate the woman who faced those dark days? Will I be proud that she got up in the morning even on days she was unsure that she even wanted to breathe?
I haven’t written about grief for a while – the urge to bleed emotions onto the page has eased a bit. I’m making a conscious effort to notice and think about other things. I’m still carrying grief with me everywhere I go but I’m keeping it in my pocket, not wearing it on my face or on my sleeve – I’m learning to live with it.
Maybe Facebook will send me back to this post one day – maybe it will happen on a day that I need reminding that I’ve been questing all my life. Maybe it will remind me that I will always be a work in progress and that’s okay, maybe we all are.
If you’re wondering what post prompted the pondering here is the link:
Comments (2)
Hi Elva,
TBH I dislike when Facebook does that. Opens up a whole lot of memories that are painful to look at. Maybe one day I can look back and smile, but its been four years and I’m still not at that place yet. I sent a message to Facebook telling them to stop, but yet it continues. I will deactivate my account if they don’t understand my grieving process and that I don’t enjoy looking at memories.
Mark – I hear you – Facebook has no feelings. Sometimes I just scroll,past the memory, but other times i find it’s just the reminder I need at a particular moment, like today.
We must get together soon (I’m guessing you’re home from Paris).