The loss of a loved one always gives me pause – it’s like a wall has appeared in my path and I need a moment to contemplate how to deal with it. The walls vary in size and structure depending on the material they’ve been made of and who has helped me build them. I have a doozie in my path today.
The wall before me is huge, it has my uncle’s name written in big bold letters across it. I’m not sure he was aware he was contributing all this building material over the course of my life; helping me make the bricks and forming the stones; but he was. Every story he told me, every memory we made has now become part of that wall.
All this building material has accumulated over sixty-four years. It has been scattered beside my life’s journey, mixed with the day to day and part of the hustle and bustle of a life being lived. It is only in loss that the significance of each piece of material comes together to form a brick and the bricks come together to build a wall.
I don’t want to smash this wall – I want to take a moment and really study it. I want to acknowledge its presence and significance. I want to hold the separate bricks in my hand and really look at them. I want to tell the stories they are made of again.
These bricks are made of happy times and shared grief, they are composed of laughter and tears. They have come together to tell the story of a relationship. They have come together to acknowledge the importance of this person in my life. This wall has been built on a bedrock of love and I must be gentle with it as I take it apart and use the bricks to help lay the path that is my future.
These bricks are my memories and have been part of the foundation that supports me. These bricks are strong, they have been crafted with connection.
As I look at the daunting task of moving this wall I am thankful for its size, the strength of the bricks and the love I feel as I lay them in the path before me. My tears will be the mortar, my emotion the glue. The ache in my heart as I set to this task is only relative to the love I felt for this man, and for that I am grateful. This wall is huge, and I have been blessed.