Choosing favorites

I got a little behind doing the laundry last week. Not a big deal you’re probably thinking, everyone gets behind the laundry from time to time. But it turns out it was a big deal, but not in the way you might be thinking.

I am a creature of habit, maybe even a lazy creature of habit. I wear the same earrings everyday, I never switch up my bracelet and my feet have permanent tan lines from wearing the same shoes dog walking everyday all summer. I don’t feel the need to change things up.

You may be wondering if this is some sort of confessional about not changing my underwear or something, it’s not. I do change my clothes, but I have a tendency to work through a rotation of three or four outfits over the course of a season. And here is where the laundry situation bit me in the ass, literally.

All my favorite jeans were at some point in the laundry process, none of them at the finish line. This is usually not a problem, I have several pairs of not-my-favorite jeans in my closet. It turns out that although all those pairs of not-my-favorite jeans may vary in style they now have one thing in common, none of them fit anymore.

This came as surprise (really) – they all fit the last time I wore them, they are all the same size as the favorite jeans lost in the laundry process. I was confused. But only for a minute. The reason they didn’t fit anymore was bulging over the waist band of each and every pair I tried on (and I tried on each and every pair).

What happens to clothes when you abandon them in a cupboard for a few months? Do they huddle together in the dark and come up with a plan to humiliate the person who abandoned them? Do they purposely tighten their weave? My preferred jeans, the favorites, would never let me down like that. Maybe that’s why they’re the favorites.

Although I’d like to blame the problem on a not-my-favorite-jeans coup de gras, I’d only be kidding myself. I know who is really to blame — those damned favorites. Those preferred denims have been setting me up. They’ve been giving a little here, and a lot over there, and they have been pulling the wool over my eyes. I’ve been blissfully eating ice cream, drinking wine and dipping into dips all summer and those sneaky favorites have been smirking behind their strained zippers.

Well I’ll tell you what — as soon as I can zip up my not-my-favorite jeans again those favorites are being relegated to gardening clothes. That’ll learn ‘em.