Buyers remorse – possibly for real

I had hoped my body would have given gravity a better run for its money. I thought it might have put up more of a fight. But alas, it seems it threw up its arms and let its triceps slide off without so much as a skirmish. I thought we had more gumption than that.

This aging business isn’t a lot of fun. On one hand my feelings don’t get hurt as easily as they used to but my pride is getting a workout. I’m glad to be a grandmother but I’m not fond of looking like one. I’m having a hard time riding gracefully into my sunset – part of me is kicking and screaming.

I just made an online purchase that claims it will transform my life. A magical makeover for twenty nine US dollars. I’m excited. It’s being shipped from a company called Dudes Gadget – a reputable enough sounding firm don’t you think? I have no idea how long it will take to arrive in my mailbox, hopefully it gets here in time to transform me for the wedding I’m attending in November. I’m the mother of the bride – I want to look my best. This wonder under is supposed to smooth out rolls, lift sagging parts and promote better posture. I purchased the nude color so it will be undetected beneath my mother of the bride dress. I can hardly wait. My miracle is in the mail.

I have a feeling Dudes Gadget might get a lot of business from grandmothers – I can’t be the only one trying to transform myself without actually doing the work. I don’t often bite on a Facebook ad – I’m a little more savvy than that – but the dudes at Dudes Gadget really promoted their product well. The video of sagging women shimmying into the contraption really sealed the deal – the transformations were amazing. I hit the purchase button almost immediately, I’m only having my second thoughts now.

Twenty nine US dollars isn’t the national debt. In fact, it could be considered a reasonable gamble. If the product does half of what it is advertised to do I could be reasonably happy with it. If it makes me feel like I’ve squeezed myself into a sausage casing I won’t be happy at all.

The further into this essay I get the more foolish I feel. I’ve probably just flushed twenty nine US  dollars down the toilet and given Dudes Gadget my credit card number in the process. I’m thinking this grandmother shouldn’t be left unattended on the internet. I’m having a serious hot flash just thinking about the possible repercussions.

I guess I wouldn’t be the first ‘big stupid’ to bite on something like this. And maybe, just maybe, the contraption will live up to its hype.  Then I wouldn’t feel stupid at all. I’d be the best looking grandmother in a mother of the bride dress at that wedding in November. Fingers crossed.