Last night…
I am sitting with ghosts tonight. I’m so damned lonely I can hardly breathe. I fear this is what the future holds, night after night of ghosts and loneliness. I feel defeated. I have no stuffing. I’m trying to get away from writing about grief all the time but tonight, sitting with ghosts, grief is […]
Hello Spring
One half of the neighborhood is dressed up like a bridesmaid at a fussy wedding – all poof and froth. Trees are dripping in pastels, pink petals litter the streets. Lilacs are weighted in mauve. The other half is decked out for a Mexican fiesta. Rhododendrons exploding in techno color; vibrant reds, rich purples. Dandelions […]
Mother’s Day – every day
I just realized that Sunday is Mother’s Day — and like every day it made me stop and think about mine. As a child I was stuck on my mother like dried food on a high chair. She had to work really hard to un-stick me. Even after I became a mother myself she had […]
the blog turns 1
May 10, 2017 – one year ago today – I posted my very first blog. It was a giant leap, I was terrified and excited and hopeful. A year later finds me feeling all of that and more. Over the year I’ve hit the publish button 152 times, and held my breath each and every […]
Hello Happy
I received an invitation from the universe while walking the dog the other day. Written in chalk on the sidewalk, directly in my path, was a message. “Hello Happy”. I checked over my shoulder wondering if it was meant for some other walker, but I was the only person on the street. For a moment […]
A waiting game
I don’t think life should be about just getting through another day, but that’s what I feel like I’m doing right now. I feel like I wake up, put in the hours so I can try to sleep again, and then wake up and do that all over again. I feel like I’m waiting – […]
The flip side – Side B
I woke up at three this morning, the dog was doing a violent head shaking thing that seemed to go on and on. I had a vision of spiders marching into his ears so I turned on the light and tended to him the best I could given the state of my awake-ness. He settled […]
A road traveled
We are still marking his passing in weeks but I know soon it will be months, and then… and then years. It’s the prospect of the years that takes my breath away. He will remain sixty-two and I will age without him. He will stay handsome in my mind’s eye and my mirror will reflect […]
The fog
We have had a busy week here – there has been a birthday (somebody turned six), training wheels came off a couple of bicycles and we felt moments of genuine happiness. The happiness came as the biggest surprise, none of us saw it coming. It came wrapped in children and sunshine and tasted vaguely familiar. […]
Cutting the grass – a lesson in patience
I cut the lawn today. It felt good to do something normal, it’s been a while. I felt like I was really stepping out. I wasn’t hiding in the house. I wasn’t counting pills or making doctors appointments. I wasn’t drying tears or planning a funeral. I was just pushing the lawn mower, working up […]