A year ago today, April 22, 2018, I put my brave pants on and announced on the blog that my life had changed forever. I reached inside for a sliver of courage and wrote the words:
I am feeling lost – perhaps words can lead me home. I’m going to try to blog again. I’m going to reach inside for words to help me cope.
I have recently suffered a loss that has left me weak in the knees and breathless. I have typed and deleted hundreds of words trying to articulate the event subtly, but gentle words have failed me. Perhaps I need to get tough and just blurt the facts. My husband of forty years passed away at the end of March. My sixty-two year old super hero died. And I am devastated.
Trying to find a new normal is proving to be as challenging as finding myself in this mountain of grief – I have become the needle in the haystack. It is my hope that I can locate the remnants of me by writing. I need to start looking for the joy in my days again – looking for the stories that seem to make me tick. I need to lean into words, reach for thoughts, watch for moments and write.
I am going to publish this blog post tonight. It’s an experiment in courage, again and as usual – it’s a leap. I’m not sure it’s a smart move at this time but I’m going to give it a whirl, maybe these words will help me breathe.
Today, April 22, 2019, has found me settling into a new home, a new normal and braving a world that changes on the daily. That sliver of courage became an obsession – I’ve written my heart on this blog. I followed the words to the very essence of me and wrote myself to today.
Today I’m putting those brave pants on again and announcing on the blog my intent to take this journey one step further. I am going to organize the posts of this past year, Writing From The Wound, into a book. I’m saying that out loud with commitment. I’m saying it out loud to be held accountable for my intent. I’m saying it out loud because those words did lead me home.
Onward
Comments (10)
What a wonderful idea! I think it would be a great book for someone going through the loss of a spouse
That is a book I would treasure. You are an inspiration to a lot of people.
Maureen – thank you.
Yippee. Hope your fog is clearing and the sun is shining for you today. Les
Les- the sun is shining!
Go for it Elva! I’m SO thrilled to hear that you will be compiling your posts into a book. I have been following your notes (but not always saying so) and you are a courageous soul. And an inspiration.
Thank you Margaret – that means a lot.
Elva, your big brave pants fit you like a glove – I’ve read every one of your posts this year with amazement and respect for both your courage and candidness. Your blog has not just served you but your readers as well – especially those of us who have survived the tragic loss of a partner, champanion, best friend, superhero, beloved one and/or other half….you took inexplicable emotions and articulated them so vividly with humour and compassionate. This journey must be chronicled in the form of a book and this reader deeply supports and holds you to your commitment – Carpe Deum!
Kathy – thank you for your comments, friendship and support. You are one of the readers I imagine as I’m writing these posts. We are traveling a road alone and yet together, connected by not only grief and loss but also strength and compassion — we are survivors. ❤️
Great, Elva! I was hoping you would do that. No point in k eeping it to yourself.