A Whoosh of Sadness

I was walking the dog on this beautiful spring morning  – birds were singing, flowers blooming and the ocean was as smooth as glass – and my heart was breaking. I had such whoosh of sadness I felt embarrassed.  I tried to focus on the beauty around me but kept falling back into a pit of despair.  The news, the numbers, the loss – the world is in crisis.  This pandemic is racking up numbers like a progressive jackpot on a slot machine, it shows no mercy or bias – but there are no winners in this game, just losers and broken hearts.  The beautiful morning was wasted on me.

I’ve settled into social distancing and self isolating – I’m adapting to this new normal but this morning the new normal didn’t feel sufficient.  So many courageous people are manning the world, putting themselves in harms way, and my part in this epic battle is to stay at home?  It doesn’t feel like enough – it feels feeble and pathetic and yet there are still people who can’t even manage this small contribution.

I’ve heard grumbling about self isolating, frustration and boredom are the topic of the day.  I’m more done of listening to complaints and witnessing disregard for rules than I am of following those rules.  Keeping our distance is the one small thing we can contribute to the war effort and some people can’t be bothered.

I usually do my ranting in private, being overly opinionated is a quality I try to keep under wraps, but this blatant disregard for social distancing and self isolating has pushed me to pull out my soapbox.  The corona virus is indiscriminate, it doesn’t care who it infects, it’s just waiting for the next set of lungs to come along.  It hitches a ride with the unsuspecting and then quietly infiltrates the ranks of people who come in contact with its new host.  It’s sneaky and deadly.  We need only stay at home and keep our distance to break the chain. 

I watch too much news – I should really try and curb this addiction.  I’m mourning with people all over the world – the vacant streets in Europe are haunting and the death toll overwhelming.  The situation in New York breaks my heart and soon it will break for Chicago, Detroit, New Orleans….  The situation in Quebec and Ontario brings the devastation ever closer. 

I’m not particularly worried for myself as I am fearful for humanity. My children and grandchildren, the children and grandchildren of my entire generation, will live in a world markedly different from the one before the pandemic.  This virus is just beginning its march around the planet and its potential is unfathomable.  

I usually try to be upbeat, to spin a situation into something I can cope with, but this morning walking in the sunshine and listening to the birds, all I could think about was the reality of what we are facing and whoosh of sadness stopped me in my tracks.