I fear I may have shot myself in the foot. I jumped the gun and put myself in a vulnerable position – I asked for advice before I was confident enough to accept it. I thought I was looking for input but what I was really after was reassurance and I didn’t get it. Now I’m fighting with myself and trying to find my mojo again. I am quick to let negative thoughts take root in my head. I’m touchy.
Creativity is personal, it lives inside us. It presents itself subtly; it’s a feeling or a vision, it is rhythm or pitch, it can be athletic or quiet, thoughtful or explosive. It beats in the heart of its host. The desire to create anything is a gift – no two gifts are the same and everyone gets one. What we do with our gift is personal but in order for that gift to become art it has to be given away – it has to leave its host and venture into the world by itself. And this is where things get tricky.
Once the art leaves the artist it’s on its own. What was once private, and loved for just being, becomes public and subjective – other people get to view it and they either like it or they don’t.
I’m betting by this point in this blog you’ve realized what’s happened, how my foot got in the way of a bullet. I presented my art to a critic and it wasn’t received as well as I hoped it would be. It got dissed and my hopes were dashed and today I’m feeling foolish, my confidence has been rattled.
This blog was never intended to be a literary masterpiece, it has been a place of personal discovery in a public forum. My hope has always been that somewhere between the lines of my musings readers might see themselves – they might relate. It is that hope that inspires me to keep sharing my thoughts.
My experience with the critic has caused me to have a closer look at this ‘hope’. Why am I compelled to share these personal thoughts? Where did I get the notion this was a good idea? I’ve been sitting here pondering this morning and haven’t found the answer. So now I’m sharing my insecurity on the blog – I’m writing the negative thoughts out of my head. I’m ‘arting’ negativity to the universe, I’ve given it form and sent it on its way.
And now I’m going to wash my hair and get on with the day.
Comments (7)
Elva, I know that your writing, particularly from the last several months,
is having a huge impact on many readers by creating a connection to people going
through similar circumstances. We all experience loss at some time and your way of
writing about it resonates in its raw honesty even when circumstances are different.
The critic’s opinion is just one. Don’t give up. Xox
Thank you Sue. I find it interesting that a negative thought digs deeper than a positive one. Thank you for your encouragement. Xxoo
I agree with Sue. Don’t fret and shake it off. Thank you for letting us read your personal diary. Les
Thanks for reading. And encouraging. It’s a tentative journey.
Oh poop.
Remember that is just one person’s opinion.
You have many followers who benefit from you courage to put pen to paper.
Keep up the work, it’s good for many souls! xx
Thank you ❤️❤️
Pam…. thanks for being my cheerleader! I love you right back Xxoo