I’m having a tough time sleeping – I’m spinning my tires on yesterdays and tomorrows and my stomach is in knots. I have much to do to get ready for my move, so much stuff to sort and pack – and it’s March. I’m reliving every day from last year even as I try to cope with today. I’m a bit of a mess and I don’t know where to start or even how.
There is not much anyone can help me with right now – the muddle is in my mind and in the clutter of memories I’m trying sift through, the stuff of yesterdays. I feel buried in the past and anxious about the future and I can’t sleep. My mind keeps drifting back to last March with such detail I can almost smell it.
It’s three in the morning, even the dogs think it’s too early to face the day but here I am, lost in thought and wide awake.
This blog has been a lifeline for me this past year. I’ve given myself license to write about anything that’s come to mind and it’s helped me figure things out. I’ve worried at times that I’ve shared too much, that I’ve been too honest, but getting the thoughts out of my head has been cathartic. I write the words and set them free and feel better – it’s therapy.
I think I write for connection – I send the words out into the world and in my imagination they find a home in someone else – somebody relates to them. My imagined relationship with a reader is like talking to a friend.
So here I sit writing and talking to whoever is reading and trying to find the calm I need to cope with today. And it’s working. I feel better for sharing. So thanks my friend, thanks for being my middle of the night phone call.
Comments (8)
Thank you for sharing your feelings. I remember last March as well , not for the same reasons of course, we were both swept up on a wave and moved along without direction about what happens next. Please dont wait to enlist help. This is a wearing down process and tears will flow. I had someone with me who was directing my process and I am sure I would be in the loonie bin without the focus she demanded and patience she exercised. Dont feel you need to do this yourself, remember onward and upward.
Lesley – thank you for your comments – you are one of my imagined readers when I’m writing – we share a lot of similar experiences. Onward for sure, and hopefully upward as well.
YOU’RE WELCOME DEAR FRJEND
❤️❤️❤️
you Are a very strong lady, you will keep moving forward and on to tomorrow
Donna – onward!
I’m with you all the step of the way Elva. The emotional experiences that were peppering of my first year of grief you describe so succinctly. Thank you for your honesty, courage and your strength. I feel comforted by your blogs. It’s good to know that out there there’s someone who’s experiencing the same feelings as I am
Ruth – thank you. There is comfort in connection – I appreciate your comments.