A lightbulb moment

I’ve never been keen on cooking for myself, it’s a lot of work and no one ever compliments the chef, after dinner I’m left holding the dishcloth, washing the dishes and wiping crumbs off the counter. Even a lackluster effort is a chore I’d prefer not to do.  

I’m almost three weeks into my Weight Watchers adventure, eighteen days to be exact, and although the scale isn’t moving quickly it’s moving and I’m feeling pretty good about my progress. The program and the progress have inspired me to pull out the pots and pans again – I’ve begun to make an effort to look after me and this is progress of a different sort. 

I’m starting to care again and I thought I should mention this on the blog. I’m making plans, cleaning closets and cooking – I’m getting on with life (for today at least – this has proven to be a ‘two steps forward, one step back’ sort of journey – today I’m moving forward and that’s worth noting).  

I’ve spent the past couple of years totally at the mercy of the universe – stuck on a course that was careening toward a place so dark I had moments I feared I’d never see light again.  I’ve been stumbling around, merely making it from one day to the next for months. But today I feel like something has changed. 

A number of years ago I read that a person actually needs to touch bottom in order to surface again.  The bottom is where momentum changes, you can’t get further down than the bottom, it’s as low as you can go. You may spend some time down there – drowning is sorrow, wallowing in grief – but then you notice something solid beneath your feet and you start to stand up.

I had no idea I would find my epiphany in the kitchen – that making a meal would be my first clue that the tide had changed, but it appears that’s where it happened. I was sitting down, alone, to a meal I had made for just myself when I realized something had changed.  Not only was the meal I prepared totally within the guidelines of the Weight Watchers program, I’d gone to some effort for only one person – me.  

I think I’ve been a bit too close to my own situation to acknowledge the progress I’ve been making, a little blind to subtle changes as they’ve happened.  Certainly the meal I prepared wasn’t the turning point in this journey but rather a moment of realization – I may be starting to surface.