Upstairs: In sickness and in health
Approximately 36 hours ago my mother-in-law (MIL) started to come down with a cold. It had the usual markers of a seasonal cold; cough, sneezing, sinus congestion, etc. Although she is living upstairs with us right now, she has tried to keep her germiness to herself. Alas, this morning the wife/daughter and I have some symptoms starting to emerge. It was bound to happen.
As we sat at the kitchen island this morning, wife/daughter was making a shopping list for her trip to the grocery store and she asked if I needed any neo-citran. Knowing that my supply was good, I asked if she could instead make a proactive purchase of some Ny-Quil. She responded that Ny-Quil apparently was no longer available in Canada.
Of all the cold medications, Cherry Ny-Quil is my favourite. I would drink it neat, on the rocks, as part of a cosmopolitan-type whisky drink, or as it is apparently intended, by a specific medicinal dosage. As a kid growing up when we had a cough, Dad would show up beside the bed in the dark and would hand us the bottle with the instruction “one glug.” For those not in the know, one glug is the scientific equivilent to the appropriate dosage provided by the stupid plastic cap that comes with every bottle. The difference is that you don’t have to try and pour it in the cap from the bottle, hence “one glug.”
As an adult, I’m roughly twice the size I was at 10 years old, so I have scaled up the dosage to “two glugs.” The math seems solid to me. Apparently the ‘two glug” dosage also comes with side effects of “cherry Ny-Quil breath,” a mild-coma, and thunderous snoring. I’m half-way to dead so it doesn’t bother me, but apparently the wife/daughter has an issue with it.
As someone who works in a career that interacts with the public, I usually have a cold about 50% of the year, so I had hoped that with the COVID mask mandate I would be spared this year, like I was last year when I was working remotely. I didn’t expect that patient zero would come from within.
Did you know that you can get NyQuil delivered the same day by Amazon? This PRIME membership is really gonna pay for itself.
Downstairs: patient zero
I’ve been trying to keep to myself and suffer in silence but it seems my seasonal cold is still threatening to invite the rest of the household to our party. Cold germs are outgoing by nature, non-discriminatory – they don’t care from whence you hail – come one come all, the more the merrier. Cold germs are party animals.
I’m so sick my eyes hurt. I’d like to blame this germ on someone – pass the buck – but the culprit probably didn’t even know they were contagious when their germs decided to jump ship. At this point who really cares where the germ came from the focus should be on putting a kink in its travel plans.
Empty packages of ‘emergen-C’ have started to litter the kitchen counter. I’ve inadvertently walked in on clandestine meetings and overheard discussions about tactics and strategies to out maneuver both the germ and me. I don’t blame people for trying to avoid me but I’m beginning to feel like I’m a bit of a pox.
It appears Upstairs has begun to prepare for the possibility of germ warfare. They’ve shored their arsenals with NeoCitron and Tylenol Cold and Flu. Unfortunately cherry NyQuil is still out-of-stock everywhere – should the dreaded germ infiltrate their ranks I fear SIL (son-in-law) will have to make do with sub-par munitions and the battle could be lost before the man cold settles in.